Updated: Dec 9, 2021
"My child can't handle the word NO, he swears and say's nasty things - especially to my wife. Im sick of the back chat and disrespect. He's only 11 and im worried it will get worse!! Help"
Father of 3. Christchurch.
When I received this plea for help last week I thought back on my own experience as a child. We would have never spoken to our parents in this manner.
I understood this fathers frustration and intolerance of his Son's rude attitude.
It is concerning (but not uncommon) that an 11 year old has not developed the skills he needs to cope with the slightest disappointment.
At the very core of this lack is the ability to regulate emotion - The good news is this skill is easily learnt in the home by loving, patient parents.
I coach Parents on what to say when they get sassy back chat, swearing and attitude form their children.
This Father was inspired to try some new phrases at home as we role played (over zoom) a few different ways to teach his son how to respectfully communicate his disappointment.
You can find some examples here
The other skill that was needed in this situation was for my clients wife.
For her, being on the receiving end of her child's harsh words had left her feeling defeated.
This loving mother learnt how to be a strong leader in the family and now knows exactly what to do and say when harsh words are spoken.
You can learn more about how to respond to harsh words here
Does this situation strike a chord with you?
Are you worried things will get worse?
The time to act is now.